


Of Music and Hongjoong's Heart

by emberanne



Series: To the nights that turned into mornings, and the friends who turned into family [7]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, valentines drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:22:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22537720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emberanne/pseuds/emberanne
Summary: Kim Hongjoong could turn people into music.He could hear music everywhere, from every person. It's not always tangible, the music Hongjoong hears in his head, but if the song is compelling enough, if it's beautiful enough, he can make it real.He hasn't done so in over a year. Hadn't felt the urge to create his old music, the music that embodied entire complex human beings and his feelings for them in the most intimate way, ever since he stopped to focus on his studies. Doesn't even miss it that much.Something about the way Seonghwa laughs fills Hongjoong's mind with the most beautiful song he's ever wanted to write.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Series: To the nights that turned into mornings, and the friends who turned into family [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586962
Comments: 5
Kudos: 205





	Of Music and Hongjoong's Heart

Kim Hongjoong was filled with music. 

When he looked at the world, that was what he saw. Music floated from every tree, every building, every crack in every sidewalk. To Hongjoong, music defined everything. Everything could be presented as a melody, every person could be a song. 

It’s not always tangible, the music Hongjoong heard in his head, but if Hongjoong worked hard enough and had enough passion for it, he could make it tangible. He could make it sonorous and soaring or light and whimsical or heavy and heartbreaking. 

Hongjoong could turn people into music. It was his greatest talent. 

Sometimes, it’s a little overwhelming. 

Turning people into music isn’t easy. Writing songs that embody a real, complex human-being is easier said than done. Sometimes he would go days and weeks with little to no sleep, grinding himself until the song came out absolutely perfect. Or as close to perfect it was going to get. 

They were always such beautiful songs. 

It hurt that no one truly realized what he was doing until he met the other music production majors. Before them, Hongjoong didn’t have anyone who recognized what he was doing. 

Now, at least he had Eden, his grad student mentor. (Also, tentatively, his friend.) Eden was a godsend and also a reality check in Hongjoong’s sophomore year. 

“When you create this type of music, it’s incredible,” Eden had said. “But you’re running yourself ragged. At this rate, you’ll be burnt out before grad school. I’m not saying you should give up on this entirely, because this is something that most people will never be able to do. I’m just saying that maybe you should try creating something for fun, something that won’t stress you out. Something you’re passionate about, but isn’t so fragile.”

So Hongjoong started going with that. Eden was right, creating music that was fun and not tied to a particular person was way easier than making his old music. Plus, the music Hongjoong created was still good music. 

It just lacked that something special. 

Maybe that’s why he starts adding more and more layers to the songs that he and Eden polish off. Whether it’s adding more audio elements to increase the energy of the song or starting to add visual elements after a suggestion from Yunho. 

“Coming up with choreo isn’t impossible,” Yunho said when Hongjoong expressed his desire to add more to his songs. “I can help you out if you want?” 

“Really? That would be great,” Hongjoong said, elated. 

“Yeah, of course! Although, do you mind if I maybe bring a friend onto this?” Yunho’s sheepish grin had Hongjoong frowning slightly. “The hardest part of choreographing is finding the tone or aesthetic for the choreo that fits the song. To be honest, I’m not great at things like that, I’m better at more concrete stuff. But I have a few friends, well, maybe not Mingi for this… I have a friend who’s really good at it!”

“Is he a dance major?” Hongjoong questioned as Yunho pulled out his phone.

“No, actually,” Yunho pushed his phone towards Hongjoong, exposing a dimly lit video. “He used to be, but he had to switch majors. He’s always been good at finding vaguer moves that fit the music. This isn’t the best example, but this was at last weekend's Halloween party.” 

The boy in the video was tall with dark hair. His body rolled with a seductive grace that matched the music in the background, but his moves switched abruptly with the change in song to reflect the more upbeat tone. He was definitely drunk, but if he could dance that well while drunk, Hongjoong would love to see how he danced sober. 

“His name is Park Seonghwa,” Yunho told him. “I’m sure he can help us out if you want.” 

Hongjoong stared at the repeating video on Yunho’s phone, not quite able to rip his eyes away from the Seonghwa’s figure, but nodded. “That would be great.”

Seonghwa in person was even prettier than the Seonghwa in Yunho’s video. Realistically, Hongjoong knew to expect that, but that didn’t stop him from being blown away when Yunho dragged Seonghwa into the dance studio for the first time. Then Seonghwa danced “Pick It Up” with Yunho and looked so fucking badass and Hongjoong knew, he just knew. 

He didn’t exactly know what he knew, but he knew. 

It’s not for another week when he hears Seonghwa laugh for the first time that he gets it.

Seonghwa laughs with his whole body. For the most part, he’s a pretty reserved person with constrained smiles and soft words, but when he laughs he comes alive. His hands will flit up and his eyes crease, his laugh is high pitched and genuine and his smile, wow. When Seonghwa laughed, he became so alive and real and Hongjoong immediately knew it was one of his favorite things in the world. 

And Hongjoong gets it: Seonghwa makes him want to write music the way that he used to. 

Creating a song is so intimate, however, and Hongjoong was too afraid to try making anything concrete. He only played with tempos and different keys, afraid to try anything more. He didn’t want to get into it, he felt like he didn’t know Seonghwa well enough to do Seonghwa justice. 

But then Seonghwa told Hongjoong about the ruptured Achilles tendon that ended his dancing career and he’s so, so vulnerable and alive and Hongjoong was desperate for more. Then there was the brunch date and the dates that came after and suddenly, they were hanging out every day. 

Suddenly, Hongjoong was tucked under Seonghwa’s arm, his own arm wrapped around Seonghwa’s waist as they walked around campus together. 

Suddenly, they were spending Christmas together because neither of them was going home for the holidays and it’s Hongjoong’s best Christmas in years. 

Suddenly, it’s New Years and they’re at a rooftop party Eden scored them invites to look at the fireworks. Suddenly Hongjoong was asking Seonghwa to kiss him and Seonghwa was obliging and suddenly, they were dating. 

Suddenly, but not suddenly at all, Hongjoong was the happiest he’d ever been and he couldn’t believe how lucky he was. 

Hongjoong started tinkering with the song again, beginning to build the refrain he so desperately needs to convey correctly. It wasn’t much, it didn’t have lyrics, but it was starting to come together. Hongjoong wanted to have it done for Seonghwa’s birthday in April.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t had as much time to work on the song since he started this project. This crazy, insane project getting together handfuls of random people to sing and dance “Pirate King.” 

(When he told Eden, Eden had laughed and said “You’re basically making a boy band,” which was followed closely by a “good luck.”)

The project was insane. Funnily enough, the easiest part was selecting people. Hongjoong wanted reliable people, but Yunho swore on Mingi and San and Hongjoong already knew Wooyoung and Yeosang when Seonghwa suggested the duo, so the four joined the project. All Hongjoong has to do is ask the first year, Jongho, to join and the team of eight is set.

Vocal guides (which were a pain in the ass to make) are sent out to the others and Seonghwa gently has to remind him that everyone will need some time to practice, which buys Hongjoong some time to actually do work on other classes, which includes an entire song he has to write and record by Valentine’s Day. 

But then it’s time to record. Recordings go smoothly and Hongjoong is immensely pleased with the talent everyone shows, but recordings also have to be edited and pieced together perfectly and maybe he adds a couple of effects here and there. He ends up having Jongho and Seonghwa come back and re-record because he messed with their recordings so much that he couldn’t make his way back to the originals. 

Choreographing, at least, isn’t his monster to handle. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Seonghwa tells him. “I’m pretty sure that between me, Wooyoung, Yunho, _and_ Mingi, it’s covered. We’ll just send you videos of our progress so you can give us feedback on anything you want to change.”

The choreo, for the record, turns out phenomenal. Seonghwa and the others finish before mid-February and it builds on the layers of the song and the intro is just amazing and Hongjoong can’t wait for the first practice on Sunday.

Honestly, Sunday can’t come fast enough. It’s a Friday night and Hongjoong is still in the studios, having finished and submitted his song for his class a little over two hours ago (mere minutes before it's six o’clock deadline). He can’t quite bring himself to leave, however, he wants to finish “Pirate King.” He knows it’s so close to being perfect, it’s just missing something. Something to kick everything into place. 

Maybe that’s why he’s choosing to stay in the studio on a Friday night when he would normally be curled up with Seonghwa watching whatever drama the taller was currently interested in. It’s the feeling of being so close to the brink of perfection that ties him here. 

It’s not too late, only half-past eight. But Hongjoong’s brain kind of feels like mush and when he blinks, he swears he can see his laptop screen on the inside of his eyelids. 

Maybe he should go to Hwa’s. 

A knock on the door pulls his attention from his computer to see Chan, another music production kid, waving at him through the window. Hongjoong waves him in with an easy smile. 

“Hey man, how’s it?” Chan greets as he stands in the half-opened door. 

“It’s going,” Hongjoong says, groaning a little and rubbing at his eyes. “I’m just missing this one thing and I cannot put my finger on it.” 

“That’s the worst,” Chan frowns. “Want me to take a listen?”

“That’d be great, actually,” Hongjoong admits. He drags over to the start of the song as Chan comes behind Hongjoong, peering over his shoulder. 

“Holy shit, dude, you got some crazy layering here,” Chan whistles and Hongjoong allows himself to feel proud at the compliment. Chan never compliments people who haven’t done anything to deserve it. 

“I swear, once I get this one thing, I’m not adding anything else,” Hongjoong jokes and hits play. The intro starts and Hongjoong closes his eyes, feeling the music in his heart. No matter how many times he listens to “Pirate King,” he still gets sucked into the beginning every time. 

Hongjoong stops after Yunho’s first words, looking at Chan hopefully. 

“Right before he sings?” 

“Exactly there.” 

“Oh man, I totally see what you’re saying,” Chan offers and both of them sit in silence before Chan says offhandedly, “What about a growl?”

Hongjoong’s mind short circuits. 

“What did you say?”

“A growl, right before he starts singing. Short and aggressive, a small ascension with a big crescendo,” Chan continues, both of them growing more excited. 

Chan does an example growl and Hongjoong scrambles for his notebook to write it down because holy hell, that’s it. That’s exactly what it needs. He’ll have to ask Yunho to record one more time, but Yunho probably won’t mind recording after Sunday’s practice. Maybe he could get Mingi to do it too and blend their voices together? That would be perfect. 

“I’ll leave you to it,” Chan says, breaking Hongjoong out of his thoughts. 

“Of course, thank you so much!” Hongjoong gushes, putting down his pen to smile at Chan. “You’re a miracle worker, really.” 

“The only reason you didn’t come up with it is that you’ve been here for so long,” Chan laughs, standing halfway in the doorway yet again. “Do me a favor and try to enjoy the rest of your Valentine’s Day, okay?” 

“Of course,” Hongjoong responds mindlessly, only half aware of what Chan said as he picks up his pen again. “Have a good night!”

Hongjoong finishes writing down his thoughts and starts to pack up, saving his work and carefully putting his laptop and notebook into his messenger bag. Checking his phone reveals a text from Seonghwa from over an hour ago asking if he wants to hang out tonight. Hongjoong’s about to respond when Chan’s words register in his mind. 

Valentine’s Day. 

Holy shit. 

_Valentine’s Day_. 

With shaking hands, Hongjoong checks the date and yep, sure enough, it’s February 14th. It’s Hongjoong’s first Valentine’s day with Seonghwa and he completely forgot about it. 

“Shit shit shit,” Hongjoong curses, staring at his phone with wide, incomprehensive eyes. “Oh my god, I’m the worst.” 

His phone pings, another text from Seonghwa. 

_Babe?_

Hongjoong wrenches the door open and sprints through the building. Valentine’s Day, how the hell could he forget Valentine’s Day? 

Sure, it was more typical to give a gift on White Day, but Seonghwa had told him months ago how he wished he could celebrate Valentine’s Day at least once. Hongjoong had been thinking about Valentine’s Day since New Year’s, planning out where he wanted to take Seonghwa and what he wanted to get his boyfriend. 

Once everything with “Pirate King” had started, and then with the song from class, the holiday had completely escaped his mind. 

The convenience is sold out of roses, only having daisies, and there isn’t any of the chocolate that Seonghwa likes. Hongjoong’s too flustered to think and he sprints for Seonghwa’s studio apartment without buying anything, mentally cursing at himself the whole time. 

By the time he arrives at Seonghwa’s door, it’s past nine o’clock and Hongjoong is sweaty, gasping for air, and clinging to his phone and his earbuds which holds a very rough copy of the only thing he can give Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa opens the door too quickly and Hongjoong doesn’t have any time to catch his breath before he’s faced with his confused boyfriend in sweatpants and a hoodie Hongjoong bought him for Christmas. 

“Hongjoong? What’s going on, are you okay?” Seonghwa asks, touching Hongjoong’s shoulder in concern. Hongjoong’s still bent over, hands on his knees, breathing harshly. “Joong, what’s wrong?”

“I’m so, so sorry,” Hongjoong manages, his pounding heart finally beginning to slow. “I’m so, so sorry. I’m the worst, I’m so sorry.” 

“Joong, you’re not the worst, what are you saying?” Seonghwa says, rubbing soothing circles on Hongjoong’s back. “Babe, just come in, let me get you some water.” 

“I forgot about Valentine’s Day.”

Hongjoong stands up (finally) and although his breathing is still a little labored and he’s never been more ashamed in his life, he makes eye contact with a stunned Seonghwa. 

“I forgot about Valentine’s Day and I’m so, so sorry. You deserve way better than this,” Hongjoong unlocks his phone with shaking hands. “And I’m so sorry that this is all I have to offer right now.” 

“Joong…”

“Please, Hwa,” Hongjoong gives up on holding Seonghwa’s eyes and turns his nervous gaze downwards, at the beginning of a song he didn’t want to give to Seonghwa like this. “It isn’t finished, but I, I have this.” 

“Hongjoong, I don’t need anything,” Seonghwa says, covering Hongjoong’s hands with his owns and preventing Hongjoong from playing the song. “You’re here, that’s all I need.”

“I’m not enough,” Hongjoong protests. “Please, just,” 

“Stop.” Seonghwa’s hands move to Hongjoong’s shoulders, and a small nudge from one hand tilts Hongjoong’s chin up so he has no choice but to look Seonghwa in the eye. “Hongjoong, you are more than enough. You are worth so much to me. Having you here, now, is all that I want for Valentine’s Day. I don’t need anything! So please, just, take a few deep breaths and come inside. I’m happy as long as you’re here.” 

Maybe it's exhaustion, maybe it’s the earnest tone in Seonghwa’s voice and the kindness in his words, but Hongjoong allows himself to fall into Seonghwa’s chest even though he’s still far from being okay with everything. 

“I’m such a dumbass,” Hongjoong mumbles into Seonghwa’s chest. 

“You’re my dumbass,” Seonghwa teases, a laugh in his voice. “Now will you please just come inside so we can finish watching _My First First Love_?”

“Just,” Hongjoong pulls himself away and with trembling hands, puts his earbuds into Seonghwa’s hands. “Just listen to this, for me, okay? I want to give you this.” 

Seonghwa looks doubtful, but he puts the earbuds in without much complaint. Hongjoong breathes, trying to ease his nerves, and hits play. Hongjoong keeps his gaze down, he can’t possibly look at Seonghwa while he listens to the song for the first time. 

Because it’s not Seonghwa’s song. Not really. Listening to it a few days ago had been enough to tell Hongjoong that. 

It’s both of them, Seonghwa and Hongjoong. It’s pieces of the Seonghwa Hongjoong first met and it’s how much Hongjoong loves the Seonghwa he knows. 

Hongjoong stops the music before it can loop back to the start. Tentatively, he looks up, and he stops. 

Seonghwa is crying. 

“It’s not done yet,” Hongjoong begins, but Seonghwa has other ideas. 

Hongjoong’s lost track of the times that they’ve kissed, but the way Seonghwa’s kissing him now feels like so much more. It’s messy and desperate and Hongjoong can taste the salt from Seonghwa’s tears. He’s so confused but kissing Seonghwa comes as naturally as breathing, so Hongjoong pushes his confusion aside in favor of kissing Seonghwa with equal fervor. 

“I love it,” Seonghwa mumbles against his lips when they pull apart gently for air, their eyes still close. “I love it so, so much.” 

“It’s not done yet,” Hongjoong mumbles, barely aware of his words. “I can make it better…”

“Don’t change it,” Seonghwa insists, pecking Hongjoong softly. “It’s like, it’s like it’s ours. Like it’s us. It’s perfect the way it is.” 

Hongjoong heart twists because no one he’s ever written a song for has ever realized all it was. “Hwa…”

“Thank you,” Seonghwa pulls back a little and Hongjoong’s eyes wander open to meet Seonghwa’s teary ones crinkled in a smile. “Thank you so much, Hongjoong. This is the best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had.” 

“Even though I forgot about it?” Hongjoong asks, allowing a small smile to show. 

“Even though you forgot about it,” Seonghwa laughs and it’s Hongjoong’s favorite sound in the world. 

When Seonghwa kisses him again, Hongjoong can hear their song in his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Hongjoong and Seonghwa might be my favorite pairing to write, which is probably why they're the only ones with a oneshot on my account separate from this series lol. Coming up with this idea for Hongjoong took so long, all I had was this vague idea that I thought it would be a lil funny if he forgot about Valentine's day because of work, but once I came up with the idea of the music in his head it seemed like the most natural course of action and I was mad I hadn't thought of it earlier. 
> 
> Only one story left: Wooyoung. 
> 
> Wooyoung was always going to be last? Like, the minute we started with San, I knew that Wooyoung had to be last. God, I can't believe it's been over a month since I started all of this. Not much longer now. We have Wooyoung's story and maybe an epilogue (I think I want an epilogue, just because there's one person who's perspective I want to write from again). 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! I hope you guys enjoyed 
> 
> 200513 Update - hi! i am alive! i was just like, depressed as fuck and going through several different crises of various seriousness. (fun fact, i absolutely hate the month of february. nothing good ever happens to me in february.) once i was feeling better and thinking about coming back to this, covid-19 emerged and yeah, wasn't feeling great after that. i want wooyoung's story to be happy, he deserves the world really, and i won't be able to write wooyoung's story that way until my mental state is some semblance of happiness. please forgive me! thank you for your patience! i hope to see you all in the next week or two with an update. much love! <3 anne


End file.
